Pimento Cheese: The Caviar of the South

They call it the caviar of the South, half as a joke and half as a dead-serious claim, and either way they are not entirely wrong.

Pimento cheese is grated sharp cheddar, bound with mayonnaise, shot through with chopped pimentos and whatever else a particular family swears is essential. It costs almost nothing to make. It appears at funerals and weddings and football tailgates and Tuesday lunches with equal ease, scooped onto crackers, spread on white bread, stuffed into celery, melted over a burger, or eaten straight from the bowl with a spoon when no one is watching. It is humble and orange and slightly ridiculous, and it is also one of the things a Southerner will defend to the last breath, because everyone’s grandmother made it slightly differently and everyone’s grandmother made it best.

The base is not up for debate. Cheese, mayonnaise, pimentos. After that, the arguments begin.

Some kitchens add a little grated onion, or a clove of garlic, or a shake of cayenne for heat. Some put in a dash of Worcestershire, or a spoon of pickle relish, or cream cheese to smooth it out, or a crack of black pepper, or a pinch of sugar that they will deny to your face. The cheese itself is a whole debate of its own. Sharp orange cheddar is the standard, grated by hand because the pre-shredded kind is coated in something that keeps it from melting into the mayonnaise the way it should. Some cooks blend in a little white cheddar or pepper jack. There is no settling any of this. There is only your way, which is the right way, which is your grandmother’s way.

What you are after, however you get there, is a spread that is creamy but not soupy, sharp but not harsh, with the soft sweet bite of the pimentos running through the tang of the cheese.

Get it right and you will understand the spoon-from-the-bowl problem. A good pimento cheese, made fresh and left in the refrigerator a few hours so the flavors come together, has a way of disappearing. You make it to put out for company and you find yourself standing at the counter testing it, one cracker, then another, then a third just to be sure, and the bowl is somehow half gone before anyone arrives. This happens in the best Southern kitchens constantly. It is not a flaw in your character. It is a sign you made it right.

Make a bowl this week, cover it, and give it a few hours in the cold. Then put out some crackers, and try, if you can, to leave it alone until people get there.

The South, shared.

Pimento Cheese

Makes about 2 cups.

Ingredients

8 ounces sharp cheddar cheese, grated by hand (orange, or a mix of orange and white)
1/2 cup mayonnaise, plus a little more if needed
1 (4-ounce) jar diced pimentos, drained
2 ounces cream cheese, softened (optional, for a smoother spread)
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper, or to taste (optional)
1/2 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce (optional)
Freshly ground black pepper, to taste
Pinch of salt, if needed

Instructions

Grate the cheddar by hand. Pre-shredded cheese is coated to keep it from clumping, and that coating keeps it from binding properly; freshly grated is worth the small effort.
In a bowl, stir together the mayonnaise and the softened cream cheese (if using) until smooth.
Add the grated cheddar, drained pimentos, cayenne, Worcestershire, and black pepper. Stir until everything is well combined. Add a little more mayonnaise if it seems too stiff; it should be creamy and spreadable, not soupy.
Taste and adjust: more cayenne for heat, more black pepper for bite, a pinch of salt if it needs it.
Cover and refrigerate at least 1 to 2 hours before serving so the flavors come together. Serve with crackers, on soft white bread, stuffed into celery, or melted over a burger.

Note: it keeps well in the refrigerator for several days, and many cooks insist it is better on the second day. Stir before serving.